Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
