just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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