so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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