he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize