Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Bring me that man meat
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
