I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
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This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
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Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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