You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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