R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
