walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
