I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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