Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
