Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
