Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
