looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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