And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
