i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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