I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
