i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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