at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
