OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
