Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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