i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Is it because I queefed?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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