Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
