Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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