I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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