im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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