Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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