I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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