God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
How does it feel to date your dad?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
