me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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