hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
