I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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