Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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