also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
