his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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