I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
