I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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