you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize