Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
