1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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