Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
