Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
