arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
