in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
