I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You are the jesus of drinking
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
