Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
