I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
