So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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