These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
