Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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