First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
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Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
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So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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