Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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