found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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