i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
