Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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