We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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