Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize