I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
