I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
