I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
