She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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