Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
