I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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