How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize