areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
