He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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