she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
