I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
