I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So much rum. So many feels.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
