tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
is wine microwaveable?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
