God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
