dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
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