I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
