glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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